4th, Shmorth.

So today I came to a realization. It was a borderline epiphany, actually. It all came about when Ryan and I attempted to plan a cookout which failed miserably. Failed to the extent that we pretended people were in the yard waiting for us to come out and play. It was really kind of funny. But what did this lead to?

It made me realize that I make zero effort at all to befriend people. I get into my own little world and then complain that no one joins me there. I don't make an effort to go to other people's houses but expect them to come to mine. When I moved, I whimpered that no one offered to help, yet I can think of half a dozen friends who have moved in the past year, whom I have not offered to help. I get whiny when I see people I know hanging out and we're not invited, yet I don't go out of my way to plan anything.

I'm not being hard on myself, only realistic. It's a "take one to know one" mentality. If I want to consistently have friends, I must be a more consistent friend. That is something that I'm not really great at. I once again use the "I have a kid/ will have another kid soon" excuse. I'm not really willing to work towards friendship.

So, my life, as of today, consists of some self-realizations and understanding. This week, I will make an effort to talk to people. I will make an effort to let my kid hang out with friends. Like, her friends her age, not grown-up friends. Here's to slight change and tweaking.