One day, the worms are gonna eat us all anyway.

So, about being mother of the year. I have been going on and on and will continue to go on and on about my big night at the Preschool Parent Social. It was legit. I bid on some art, I hung out with grown ups, oh, and I won 1/2 off tuition. Again, legit.

The social was something I'd been hearing about for a few weeks and had been pretty intently avoiding. Ryan was going to be at work and I could just see myself, wall flower Liz, watching as all these Mercedes Moms enjoy their cosmos (what's even in that, again?) and me wondering why I even showed up. So, no. This was not on my agenda. Until one day....

As I was waiting in the hallway with a few of the other parents, I was asked about the social. I told them I didn't want to go alone and have no one to talk to. They assured me that they would talk to me and that it would be super fun so I should go. So super jazzed up, I go home to tell Ryan about these people who clearly want to be my new best friends and grab a $20 to by my ticket.

So I show up to the party, all alone. While at the gym prior, I heard that "Tonight's gonna be a good night" song (judge if you will) and determined to make it my anthem. I end up about halfway through, talking to one of the dad's I'd never met before. (Ironically, his son and my little gal beat each other up pretty frequently). We get to talking about the "So what do you do?" 's and all of grown up land. He tells me of his many years (he's 42 vs. my 25) of being a real estate lawyer. He tells me how he's missed a lot of time with his family, though working from home. I tell him very proudly of Ryan's life as a restaurant manger-turned-photographer and our struggle for balance and what career choices to make. He says "Oh, you guys are just babies. You have all the time in the world for making these big choices! You've got to do what gets food on the table and a roof over your head. It all passes by so quickly and you don't get the time back. One day, the worms are gonna eat us all anyway."

I stood, probably slack-jaw, at these unexpected words of wisdom. It may sound grim but it is so true. What I gathered from him was like the passages in Ecclesiastes that tell us it's all meaningless--- all of it. I am SO quick to run down the road and hang out with my homeless friends. I'm super quick to be friends for life with people in the same tax bracket as myself. And I often judge and refuse those who have what seems to be an abundant lifestyle. I think I have so much in common with the afflicted brother or sister or the oppressed. But I forget that really, life is the same for all of us.... we live, we strive, we toil, we die.

I should adopt in life what we do in death: That there are no distinctions, that our bodies all wear out the same and find the same fate, and that big or small we take none of it with us. No matter what you possess, you cannot stop the inevitable. My hope is that I will stop living in a self-inflicted inferiority to these different classes of people and stop seeing money as a determining factor for someone's worth. I certainly don't look down on those who have little but I hastily shun those who are well off. I make assumptions that all anyone lives for is money. Well, in reality, maybe it's just me. I'm thinking I need to take my blinders off and see it all for what it really is: meaningless.

Not your catchy blog title

I'm about 7 days-ish late on my Week 3 ORGANIZE NOW! blog. Weeks 1 and 2 were really introspective, concerning my priorities and mind. Week 3 starts getting into a little more tangible work, that I've found myself thinking on daily. That's pretty good because I guess that's the point of the book.

So Week 3: Organize your Schedule.

Before I even get to that, I want to revisit my New Year's resolutions. So far, so good. I don't think I've failed them yet, which is great 25 days in! I just sometimes get SO overwhelmed with all I WANT to do vs. all I can FEASIBLY do. I want so badly to have a successful Etsy site and killer craft blog that creative folks drool over for inspiration (meanwhile, I'm gleaning inspiration from other brilliant craft bloggers). I want so badly to take it beyond that and have a little space at Area 15 or something of the sort dedicated half to my craftiness, half to Ryan's photography and just have a cutie pie little family of successful entrepreneurs. These goals sometimes really overwhelm me to the point of not even trying to get started and I really just needed to get that out and in writing. Thank you, therapeutic blog. Now, back to my original point of organizing my schedule.

My book told me to buy a planner. Done and done. I live for planners. I BREATHE for planners. (Oh yeah, and Jesus, too). So that one was a given. And my planner is legit, too, let me tell you. And at half off at Barnes and Noble, I am certainly enjoying it and will until Dec 2012 (and no, that's not because I think the world will end then. It's just because it's when my pages run out, silly!)

Another GREAT thing it has suggested is that you sort your tasks! A) This week. B) This month.(Thank you notes, birthday gifts.....) C) Tentative future plans (lunch with friends, skype dates, blah blah blah). Another one was to schedule all your doctors appointments for your family. Well, I saw my lactation consultant this week, further nailing down that I have (for the most part) sworn off the conventional doctor, so technically, that one is off my list considering I don't need to do it. (Hippie propaganda. Sorry.)

I think my favorite thing on the list was one of the tips: Be realistic. Phew. What a load off. I love a good list. (Have I mentioned that before? Because if not, I could elaborate for a while...) My lists, however, have a tendency to get very detailed and very overwhelming. I like the idea of focusing on my humanity, of realizing that really, with 2 little kids and a 1100 square foot house of cutie pie, cramped up chaos, I may not get around to EVERY nit-picky thing I want to do. And back to the priority bit--- If I'm constantly cleaning, organizing, scheduling appointments and having little lunch dates, I forget my own family, the ones I've chosen to spend my days with instead of trudging up some theoretical ladder. It really is about prioritizing and giving yourself a break. The author even mentions monthly scheduling downtime. This may sound easy to some, but for the Type A's purchasing and completing the book, it is a new (or at least rarely used) concept.

I really believe God put on my heart that for the month of January, to take him at his Word and try out a weekly break. Or I think he calls it a "Sabbath"- a day of rest, intended for worship. Not the go-to-a-building-and-sing-with-some-folks kind of worship but the intense worship with the soul that can only happen when you begin to discipline yourself enough to BE STILL. Sometimes for me, it takes more self control NOT to clean than to actually get up and do it. There is plenty of debate over whether this is a Saturday or Sunday thing and which day is truly the 7th day. I just opt out and go for Friday. :) It's normally the day I only have 1 kid and the day there are no good classes at the YMCA. I might be getting the day right but I am learning a lot and certainly not missing the point.

Being realistic and being restful. Two things that are not my strong point. My dad always told me "You've got too many irons in the fire, girl." (That's southern for "My, you've got a lot on your to do!") It is my nature and it takes a lot to get around it but so far, I'm seeing some positive change!

Thanks for following my little journey!

Mawwiage! Mawwiage is what bwings us togeva today.

I just really felt I had the need to post this. I almost put it off and ignored it but I really had a feeling in my gut I should give in.

So I'm just going to be candid with you for a little bit. I'm not always good at being married. In fact, I'm bad at it about 45% of the time. And I'm only throwing that percentage out there because it makes me look like I'm good at it over half the time so there is margin of error. And today was really just no different.

I spent some time away from Ryan today as I headed down the mountain to drop Adalai off with my grandparents. I won't go into all the gory details about my morning and thought pattern, but let's just say it was less than Biblical. :) I come home to (ironically enough) clean my house and get ready for my first ever Bible study with a new, fantastic group of ladies from the neighborhood. I'd been thinking this week and praying over what our topic should be for study. Marriage, womanhood, specific scripture.... We just hadn't decided.

So tonight we just decided to talk and see where it went. All 4 of us are married. Silje and her husband have been married for 3 1/2 years, like us. Megan and her husband have been for 2. Arlene and her husband for 26. Some of us sat talking about different things going on in our marriage. I mentioned communication as a key for me and how often I feel Ryan and I speak different languages. I mentioned being frustrated at a messy house, at being stuck at home with my kids and various responsibility. I mentioned loneliness. I mentioned sleep depravation. I mentioned enough to leave me feeling like I really have been frustrated off and on lately.

As we discuss our differences with our husbands and some of the trials marriage often brings, Arlene chimes in and says "Well. What are some good things about marriage?" Halt. Honestly, that was not a thought pattern I'd been down lately. I'd been so frustrated about the dishes not being done that I had taken zero time to think about what really matters in a marriage. That one simple question from Arlene took my thoughts in a completely different direction. And there were a lot of things to be said of that. We are told to take our thoughts captive for Christ. In other words, our thoughts have a way of getting away from us. Ryan tells me all the time to talk about things and not keep it in, because your thoughts will take you places you really don't need to be.

I'd been so afraid if being different from Ryan and leading different lives (home vs. his job). Arlene shared that in her early years of marriage, she feared the same things. In retrospect, however, she sees it was a season they grew through. I didn't realize that the fear of separateness was one that I had and that actually dictated a portion of my marriage.

My friend Lisa reminded me today of the importance of marriage- that it's life's most important relationship, actually. I am so grateful to be reminded of the positive side and reality of love and marriage, when my mind so often takes me other places.

I remembered how complete I am with Ryan. I remembered how understanding he is. I remembered how when I feel I have no one else, I have him. I remembered how he knows me like no one else. I remembered how much closer we've grown over the years. Funny how something like dirty dishes makes me quickly forget these truths.

May perfect love drive out fear and that I may take my thoughts captive and live in freedom!

My (not-so) organized life

So, in conjecture with my previous blog concerning printed media, I will now tell the tale of my journey towards domesticity, with the help of a few printed aides.

Before moving to Villa Heights, we lived in South Park across from Barnes and Noble. Magical. Anyway, they had this book I wanted then called "Organize Now!". Throughout the book, you go through closets, rooms, drawers, dungeons, week-by-week in an attempt to, well, Organize Now! I would periodically visit the bookstore, check and see if they still had it, and, alas, never purchase it. What I'm not telling you is that normally I go on an on-line scavenger hunt for the cheapest possible copy of anything I purchase at addall.com. It makes the acquisition much more victorious.

A few months went by, a new house and a new baby later, I got to thinking I had some space in my life to get organized and get back on the track that pregnancy and newborns so quickly kick you off. With my very own crunchy Christmas money, I headed (all alone, mind you) back to the nostalgic Barnes and Noble, for the purpose of purchasing the book for the New Year.

The first 4 weeks are about organization of yourself. Well. Don't mind if I do. Guess I needed that one, considering I was hoping week 1 was "organize your kitchen cabinets", seeing as how I'd already done this. Instead, I found myself organizing my mind & life vision. It is like therapy in a binder.

I am now on Week 2. Organize your Priorities. I never really think to do that, assuming it's apparent. Nominally I suppose it is. When I hold up my actions to my words, however, they are not in symmetry. I am told to "make a list of my top ten priorities" and "make a list of all the activities I currently participate in" and "compare the list to my top ten". I've got to say, I didn't do terribly. But after a day like today- one of a long to-do list, icy roads, and cabin fever- I can say I hope tomorrow finds a bit more congruency.

My point in saying all this, is that as I go week-by-week, I hope to blog my findings and self-revelations. (This is in no way related to Julie and Julia). I'm hoping in 2011 to finish this book and to cook completely through "Get Cooking." by Mollie Katzen. So far, all I've got to show for it is half scorched roasted garlic paste. Long story.

I won't post my resolutions, because there are seriously about 20. What can I say? I love a good list. But I will give my top ten priorities, listed in no particular order:

-serving and loving God

-serving and loving my husband

-teaching my children (and spending quality time with them)

-connecting to my community and family

-training to run/stay in shape

-creative outlet (cooking, crafts, reading, etc...)

-staying organized

-personal/spiritual growth

-seeing life differently than the customary (spending habits, politics, lifestyle, etc...)

-living peacefully with self and others

In an attempt to really hold true to at least some of these today, I gave myself 30 minutes to sit quietly and read. Adalai sat on her bed, watched Big Brother Calliou on the computer (again), I sat and nursed Wilek (again) and read my beloved cookbook and am proud to say I finished the soup section and am now onto salads! *Note: I realize that reading a cook book and cooking from a cookbook are 2 separate things.*

My second attempt was spending 30 minutes of quality time, playing with Adalai. We played restaurant and doctor. I got to be the waitress, the customer, the sick person, and the doctor, as we switched between roles. Not once did I answer the phone, check laundry, wash a dish... nothing! We included Wilek in our play time and just hung out in the kitchen floor.

Twice today I sat for 30 minutes. I did things I know are good for my mental and emotional health, not to mention for that of my children. So this is my journey. To be a wife, be a mom, and have some type of growth and wisdom in between the chaos.

Give me printed literature or give me death.

There's nothing like a good book. Nothing. There is just something so exciting about what's hidden behind the cover, filling all the pages in black and white. This past week has been one of anticipation for me, as I not-so-patiently awaited the arrival of my 2 new Molly Katzen cookbooks. I've been wanting The Vegetable Dishes I Can't Live Without since becoming a vegetarian (with the exclusion of the Christmas livermush) almost 3 years ago. And as I explored her website, I found another book entitled Get Cooking and decided I'd do just that.

So, Christmas day, in a room filled with new pots and pans, sweaters, jewelry and other various gifts, I hopped on Addall.com and, in all my glorious frugality, found both titles for as cheap as humanly possible ($1.49 and $6.49, if I can just toot my own little horn for a sec) and ordered those puppies.

For 10 days-ok, 5 or so business days- I waited in expectation for these glorious books to arrive. Each day they didn't I became more and more anxious. And finally, as of today, I know hold in my possession my beautiful, tangible, well-written and fabulously illustrated cookbooks.

Now, these aren't the only books I love. No no no. I love everything from quirky fiction such as Michael Chabon and Nick Hornby, to Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hargrove, all the way to a good planner (which I purchaed for the New Year, thank you very much). You may not be able to find me in the club, but you can find me at Imaginon instilling this excitement in my kids or Barnes & Noble running away from them.

Even in an age of iPhones, iPads, Kindles and eBooks, there's nothing like holding a book in your hands, flipping through it, underlining thoughts and writing your own. I'm probably dooming my children to having "that mom" who refuses to move on, who still handwrites notes instead of typing and prefers old fashioned notebook paper to a Google document. With all this new technology, you have books and information at your fingertips instantly and it translates into every other area of our lives, and sometimes, really, what's the fun in it?

I understand convenience. I understand being progressive. I understand being rushed. But I know there are times when instant gratification is just no match for good, old-fashioned anticipation and the satisfaction you receive when you realize that the wait made what you'd been anticipating so much more meaningful.