Mawwiage! Mawwiage is what bwings us togeva today.

I just really felt I had the need to post this. I almost put it off and ignored it but I really had a feeling in my gut I should give in.

So I'm just going to be candid with you for a little bit. I'm not always good at being married. In fact, I'm bad at it about 45% of the time. And I'm only throwing that percentage out there because it makes me look like I'm good at it over half the time so there is margin of error. And today was really just no different.

I spent some time away from Ryan today as I headed down the mountain to drop Adalai off with my grandparents. I won't go into all the gory details about my morning and thought pattern, but let's just say it was less than Biblical. :) I come home to (ironically enough) clean my house and get ready for my first ever Bible study with a new, fantastic group of ladies from the neighborhood. I'd been thinking this week and praying over what our topic should be for study. Marriage, womanhood, specific scripture.... We just hadn't decided.

So tonight we just decided to talk and see where it went. All 4 of us are married. Silje and her husband have been married for 3 1/2 years, like us. Megan and her husband have been for 2. Arlene and her husband for 26. Some of us sat talking about different things going on in our marriage. I mentioned communication as a key for me and how often I feel Ryan and I speak different languages. I mentioned being frustrated at a messy house, at being stuck at home with my kids and various responsibility. I mentioned loneliness. I mentioned sleep depravation. I mentioned enough to leave me feeling like I really have been frustrated off and on lately.

As we discuss our differences with our husbands and some of the trials marriage often brings, Arlene chimes in and says "Well. What are some good things about marriage?" Halt. Honestly, that was not a thought pattern I'd been down lately. I'd been so frustrated about the dishes not being done that I had taken zero time to think about what really matters in a marriage. That one simple question from Arlene took my thoughts in a completely different direction. And there were a lot of things to be said of that. We are told to take our thoughts captive for Christ. In other words, our thoughts have a way of getting away from us. Ryan tells me all the time to talk about things and not keep it in, because your thoughts will take you places you really don't need to be.

I'd been so afraid if being different from Ryan and leading different lives (home vs. his job). Arlene shared that in her early years of marriage, she feared the same things. In retrospect, however, she sees it was a season they grew through. I didn't realize that the fear of separateness was one that I had and that actually dictated a portion of my marriage.

My friend Lisa reminded me today of the importance of marriage- that it's life's most important relationship, actually. I am so grateful to be reminded of the positive side and reality of love and marriage, when my mind so often takes me other places.

I remembered how complete I am with Ryan. I remembered how understanding he is. I remembered how when I feel I have no one else, I have him. I remembered how he knows me like no one else. I remembered how much closer we've grown over the years. Funny how something like dirty dishes makes me quickly forget these truths.

May perfect love drive out fear and that I may take my thoughts captive and live in freedom!